tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6479494479303917262024-03-13T09:48:17.452-07:00Dealing with itBucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-69478974868814681002010-11-14T03:58:00.000-08:002010-11-14T04:15:04.924-08:00Changing tacticsSince the last blog update, things have moved on. Not in a particularly bad or good way - just a change. <br /><br />Mam had her first check up with her consultant since she stopped chemo, three or four months ago. Most of the time she's been fine, but there have been days when she's been sick, not eating much and generally not with it. The cystitis which marked the start of this whole thing has been on and off so she's been backwards and forwards to the doctor, trying different medication, with varying degrees of success. She had the stents changed that lead to her kidneys, and my sister is pretty convinced that simply having the stents there can cause cystitis.<br /><br />These days I can pretty much tell when I phone mam, right from when she says "hello", approximately how she is - when she's having a rough time of it she sounds very fragile and quiet. <br /><br />So hubs and I made the long trip up north for a long weekend in mid October, so we could go with her to see the consultant. Mainly because if it was bad news we didn't want her to be on her own when she got it, and also because she's said she prefers having someone with her to think of questions for the consultant that otherwise slip her mind.<br /><br />Last time I went with her we had a near three hour wait; I know the NHS is pushed for resources but that's ridiculous. This time, we'd literally only just sat down in the waiting room and she was called! Mam's consultant, Mr Hughes, is lovely. Very friendly and approachable - whoever it was we saw last time had the manner of someone who just wanted to get the facts as he knew them, over - and onto his next appointment. Mr Hughes made it seem like mam was an old friend, someone he was genuinely concerned about, whose worries and questions he cared about. And he looked like Phil Spencer from 'Location Location Location's younger, slightly better looking brother ;-o<br /><br />Basically the tiny hotspots of cancer that were left after the chemo HAVE begun to grow again, but in Mr Hughes' words, "nothing horrendous". And you could tell by his attitude that he wasn't terribly concerned. The options are either tamoxifen, which is a hormone treatment normally used to treat breast cancer - or a different kind of chemo from last time. She can stay on tamoxifen for up to five years, there are minimal side effects, it can have the effect of stopping the cancer in its tracks and sometimes it can actually shrink it. Or she could have the monthly chemo again but she'd feel slightly ill after each session (although not as bad as last time). After discussing it between the three of us, the decision was to try the tamoxifen and keep the chemo as a backup - and mam was given her first supply even before we left the hospital. She'll have a checkup with Mr Hughes every three months, then three months later a CT scan and review, and so on.<br /><br />Here's to progress.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-79822206720505664812010-09-03T13:05:00.001-07:002010-09-03T14:02:25.311-07:00A new kind of normalityThought it was about time I updated the blog as it's been a good long while since my last post.<br /><br />To summarise: mam had her final two sessions of chemo, but the usual three week gap between each of those two turned out to be 4 or 5 weeks because she'd been suffering from cystitis - which, ironically, is apparently a side-effect of the chemo! The consultant didn't want her to have the chemo while she was taking antibiotics and not feeling 100%. <br /><br />So she eventually had the last sessions, and was asked back a fortnight afterwards to have a scan, to compare with the one that was done at the beginning of the chemo. The outcome is bad in as much as the last two chemo sessions weren't particularly effective, because the gap between them was longer than it should've been. However the good (?) news is that overall the cancer has shrunk significantly. Not disappeared, though - there ARE still a few 'hotspots' - but the consultant says they're under control. Not growing, not shrinking - just there. Stable. For now.<br /><br />So for the meantime she's done with chemotherapy and all the other medication she was on. The only remaining thing is the stoma bag - a tube drains one of her kidneys into a little external bag, and this was set up last Christmas because the hospital thought there was a problem with one kidney. They did some tests recently and seem fairly sure that the kidney still isn't working at all - so the stoma bag stays (no idea why, my father-in-law has only one kidney and he doesn't have all this faff on). She'll have a raft of tests every three months to see if the cancer's started growing again.<br /><br />But most importantly mam is looking really really well. From seven stones and starting to get a bit skeletal in January/February, she's put weight back on and is looking really healthy and happy again. Her arms are still quite skinny but the rest of her's fine! <br /><br />Thankfully she didn't lose any hair during chemo so that hasn't been a problem - the main issue now is that she gets physically tired very quickly. She used to be a human dynamo in the supermarket (which is obviously where I inherited it from!) - in, targeted raid on the bits she wanted, pay, and out. Now she takes it a lot slower and has to lean on the trolley, and she's tired afterwards - but a cuppa later she's ready to do something else. <br /><br />We were 'psyched' and ready for her to have an op to remove the last of the cancer hotspots after the chemo, but didn't really feel like celebrating when they said they weren't doing that. We've had so many false dawns since this whole thing started, I can't face another one. I don't want to seem pessimistic, I'm just keeping things in check - she's only in PARTIAL remission.<br /><br />Mam herself has said that she's being a realist - she knows the cancer will start to grow again and the consultant will have to decide what to do. Until then she says she's just going to enjoy this new kind of normality for as long as it lasts.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-71422071526092391262010-03-22T12:12:00.000-07:002010-03-22T12:23:24.636-07:00Hurrah!For what feels like the first time since this all started, today we've had some good news.<br /><br />Mam had a CT scan before her first chemo to act as a 'baseline', so the oncologist could use it as a reference point as her treatment progressed.<br /><br />Recently, after her third session of chemo, she had another scan, to see if the treatment was helping. And today she went back to see the oncologist for the results.<br /><br />She's been in better health lately - no sickness and less exhaustion after the last lot of chemo, which was a huge relief to her; also her appetite has been coming back in leaps and bounds. Not only was she not sick after the last chemo, but she kept eating healthy portions and is almost back to pre-illness size meals!<br /><br />My older sister was optimistic, but I've tried not to get 'too far ahead of myself' in case it was just coincidence.<br /><br />But the news today was good; after a 40 minute wait to see the oncologist, and another 10 minutes while her scan results were faxed over, it turns out the cancerous 'nodules' have all shrunk in response to the chemo, and mam's oncologist pronounced himself very pleased with her progress.<br /><br />The surgeon will meet with his team next Monday and decide whether to operate immediately and remove as much cancer as she can, or if she should have more chemo before that happens. They also want to remove the one remaining ovary - so whatever happens, when this op goes ahead it won't be insignificant and she'll need looking after when she's discharged.<br /><br />But just for a change it's such a relief not to get that bad news 'kick in the teeth', and mam agreed that the horrible side effects of the chemo - all the sickness and exhaustion - have been worth it to get this far.<br /><br />Please God let it all stay positive!!Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-58921450813294637292010-03-04T07:34:00.000-08:002010-03-04T07:50:56.278-08:00Onwards and upwardsMam had her third session of chemo just over a week ago. Normally she has chemo on a Wednesday, is fine on Thursday and Friday, but spends most of the Saturday and Sunday being violently ill. Mam mentioned it to her consultant who said she should try taking two of her anti sickness pills at a time, rather than just one - and it seems to have done the trick...she wasn't sick at all this time. Still physically exhausted, yes, but not sick - and she said she can cope with that. And on top of this, she's still eating well!<br /><br />It's lovely to phone to talk to her and she still sounds relatively perky, rather than sounding completely done-for. She had a blood transfusion on the same day as her chemo this time - which sounds dramatic but apparently isn't - it's just because her routine blood tests showed she was slightly anaemic, which can happen when you have chemo. <br /><br />And the day after 'chemo 3' she'd felt so well she'd gone for a walk with dad; not a hike or anything, just round to the local shops and back so no more than about 2/3 of a mile - but a massive step, considering she literally hadn't even been past the front gate since last October, unless it was to go to hospital. She'd enjoyed it and said she wanted to walk up to the community centre the following day, but the weather scuppered that.<br /><br />So things feel relatively positive right now.<br /><br />The next stage is a CT scan on Wednesday 10th March, to compare with the one they did before chemo started in January, to see if the chemo is killing off the cancer or not. So while we're all hoping for some positive news, I'm kind of preparing myself for bad news. Ever since this all started, it feels like good news has always been followed by bad, so it wouldn't be the first time. If the cancer HAS started to shrink, the next stage will be an op to remove as much of it as they can.<br /><br />Fingers crossed.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-34066693253146097072010-02-15T12:26:00.000-08:002010-02-15T12:56:49.962-08:00Exactly as expectedHubs and I popped back up north recently for a long weekend - we picked the timing to coincide with when we expected the sickness (as a result of her chemo) to kick in. Based on her first session, she has the chemo on a Wednesday, is fine for a few days - if not better than usual because the steroids help - then on the Saturday the sickness hits her like a wall. <br /><br />We arrived on Saturday lunchtime and the sickness had arrived bang on time, she'd already been ill before we arrived. Bless, she said she felt awful about being ill while we were there - until I told her that we'd specifically chosen that weekend so we could look after her!<br /><br />Hubby went to see his parents along the road for the afternoon and I stayed with mam and dad. Just did a bit of housework for them then read the newspaper. Dad went for his usual afternoon nap but ended up being 3 hours; but mam's said before that when me or my sister are there, he relaxes better knowing someone else is in the house. Mam just dozed on the sofa but she said it was nice to have him 'out of the way' - not popping in every couple of minutes to check she's okay. Bless him, he worries.<br /><br />Hubs and I popped out on the Saturday evening for a break, drove to Whitley Bay to watch the ice hockey: Newcastle Vipers versus Cardiff Devils. Fast and furious, much faster than EPL standard (which was fast anyway!) and a brilliant match to see.<br /><br />When we got back at 10 they'd both gone to bed - mam put in her notes that she keeps for the district nurse that she'd been sick six times that day. But it seems to help a little by breaking her tablets up into pieces and she's often more able to keep them down.<br /><br />Sunday morning we popped out to the supermarket to get some shopping for mam and dad. Funny how normally I can take or leave supermarkets...but doing it for mam and dad didn't bother me - I actually got some pleasure out of it - being able to do the simple things like their shopping, thinking of things they might like. Went back and cooked us a roast beef lunch. And surprisingly mam was itching to have some! It was only a single slice of beef, a Yorkshire pud and some gravy but she said she thoroughly enjoyed it - and what's more it stayed down all afternoon! Tucked her into bed and made sure she had everything she needed - she lay down and just looked SO literally sick and tired, and took so much pleasure from the simple act of going to bed. That's when it really hit me how ill she is - not even so much from the cancer, but the chemo. But small mercies: she'd only been sick 3 or 4 times, so fewer than yesterday. Turned mam's light out and I knew if I went to be somewhere on my own I'd cry, so just bit my lip and went back downstairs to see hubs and dad.<br /><br />Monday morning and I looked in mam's room at 9am but she was spark out....at last, a bit of proper rest for her. I knew she'd be up before long for the district nurse's visit so left a cup of her favourite Earl Grey on her bedside table and we went to pick up a parcel from the sorting office. Big sis had sent mam a fruit basket - the gift company hadn't marked it 'perishable' so it'd been sat in the sorting office for almost a week! Went to see the inlaws to say goodbye, then back to mam and dad's. District Nurse arrived and agreed with me that mam's sickness seems pretty severe, so she should tell the chemo team in case they can give her stronger meds.<br /><br />Travelled back down south and phoned mam as soon as we got in - already she sounds perkier and hasn't been ill at all - so the improvement is definitely happening.<br /><br />And now we're back home, and my sis has just had the weekend up there - mam hasn't been sick all week but the exhaustion has kicked in. And today she said mam's appetite is definitely back on track!<br /><br />So now mam has almost two full weeks until the effects of chemo 3 kick in - during which time hopefully her appetite will hang around and she can keep building herself up. She was 10 stone when she was diagnosed...in the new year, only just over 8. Here's to two weeks of stability.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-54357992820752029062010-02-01T12:30:00.001-08:002010-02-01T12:45:54.041-08:00Up and downSpoke to mam on Saturday and she sounded.....absolutely fine. Just like 'the good old days' - before all this kicked off. Didn't sound tired, didn't sound ill - if you didn't know what was going on you'd never have guessed how ill she is. She said she's been feeling okay the last few days and it cheered me up to hear her so chirpy.<br /><br />Today she went to the consultant for a routine pre-chemo visit - Wednesday she goes for her second course of chemo, but at least now she knows the 'routine' - a few days of feeling quite well (the effects of the steroids) then the sickness and exhaustion hits with a vengeance. So by the time that happens this time around, me and hubs will be up there for a few days, to look after her and dad, and take the weight off dad as a carer.<br /><br />Talking of dad, I saw my older sister at the weekend - mam's district nurse had suggested that dad is basically being mam's carer, so they should apply for a proper carer's allowance - so one of the MacMillan nurses came round one evening specially to help them fill in the paperwork, which I thought was a lovely touch. I hope one of the MacMillan nurses will be around while I'm there at the weekend, it'd be nice to meet and talk to them.<br /><br />Last night I watched "Mo", a drama-documentary about the life of MP Mo Mowlam from the time of her brain tumour diagnosis, to her death. Brilliant production, and Julie Walters was superb in the lead role - talk about method acting, she shaved her head because she wanted the hair loss to look more authentic than a skull cap! I was okay until literally the last 5 minutes when Mo was admitted to hospital for her final days, got a bit sniffelly and had to ask hubs to turn it off. Couldn't stop myself from thinking that one day in the relatively near future, that'll be my mam - be it at home, in a hospital or a hospice. I think the whole thing of knowing mam's second chemo is imminent, and talk of Macmillan nurses just got to me.<br /><br />I know it's not going to be easy this weekend, I know she's going to have sickness and diarhhoea, I know I'm going to have to cope with seeing her at her lowest - but I want to see her.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-76408343630555494452010-01-25T12:34:00.001-08:002010-01-25T13:07:19.552-08:00Onwards....and sidewardsSo there we go - mam's had the first, much anticipated course of chemo.<br /><br />Despite the snow (and the north east had an awful lot of it) and problems with the patient transport, mam made the 10 mile journey to Gateshead Queen Elizabeth hospital on 13 January to start the next part of her "journey".<br /><br />Link: <a href="http://www.cancernorth.nhs.uk/Treatments/Chemotherapy/Howdoeschemotherapywork">how does chemo work?</a><br /><br />The initial plan was to give her two types of chemo - carboplatin and taxol. They tried the carboplatin, but she was in a lot of pain. Apparently it's not an uncommon reaction - some people just can't tolerate certain types of chemo.<br /><br />So they moved on to the Taxol and it went in okay - along with steroids, which you get when you're on chemo, to counteract how tired it'll make you. And by that afternoon, she was back home.<br /><br />My brother phoned her the following day and apparently she said she felt really well - the best she'd felt in ages! Must've been the effect that the steroids were having. That was Thursday 14th...by the Saturday, the nasty side-effects finally arrived - sickness (green!), diarrohea and she couldn't sleep - another, less nice side-effect of the steroids. I spoke to her on the Sunday and she sounded so weak, and tired...and had to run off to be ill, mid-conversation. It's days like that that it's awful being so far away on the end of the phone :(<br /><br />I asked if she had any appetite - she said not really but the previous day she'd had a craving for good old-fashioned fried bread so had made herself a slice and said it didn't touch the sides!! Hearing her tell me about that, she sounded like a naughty schoolgirl who'd pinched the last slice of cake :-o She said she was just over 10 stone when she was first taken ill in early October, but the consultant weighed her before the chemo and she's only 8 stone now. And not eating much. Told her to remember to use the liquid 'meal substitutes' but it's still worrying.<br /><br />Saturday 23rd, called again: she still sounded weak but not as bad as the last time we spoke. Sounded like the sickness was tentatively starting to wear off but she said how fed up she is with feeling rubbish...she said she felt so bad one particular day that, in her words, she "wanted to die" - it's hard hearing her talk like that. I want her to fight it and see the positive side of why she feels like this, but I can understand why she's so fed up with feeling ill. She also said she'd had a fall - luckily indoors, in her bedroom, but she'd fallen and bumped her forehead. Dad was in the bathroom next door, heard the noise and came to find her on the bedroom floor, and put her into bed - but I couldn't help thinking of it in terms of a fairly frail little old man 'rescuing' a frail little old lady.<br /><br />Put the phone down feeling a bit low and worried, but an hour later older sis called - she'd just spoken to mam as well, and mam told her she'd stood and baked a couple of batches of scones!! So maybe all the stuff she said to me - maybe she was just 'unburdening' herself, getting it out of her system - and she realised she didn't feel so wretched after all? <br /><br />And now it's nearly 2 full weeks since the chemo, so hopefully things are improving - and it's another week until the next chemo on 3rd February. I told her to make sure the consultant knows how bad the sickness was, maybe he can prescribe stronger anti-sickness meds?<br /><br />So it's good that the chemo's finally underway...but I hate thinking of how ill it makes her. But three days after her next session me and hubs will be up there for a long weekend so I get the chance to be there for her, for dad, and to really look after them :)Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-90663396159462597082010-01-05T12:39:00.001-08:002010-01-05T12:55:02.077-08:00More detailI had a funny feeling when I spoke to mam on Tuesday that there was more to it - the chemo - than she'd told me. Couldn't put my finger on it, but felt that it wasn't down to me to question, and that I should trust her - she's been honest with us so far, we know how bad it is...would she hide anything?<br /><br />Well it turns out my instincts were right, but just for a change it wasn't another kick in the teeth waiting to come and get me. My older sister emailed me and mentioned that the hospital will be giving mam the more aggressive chemo that they mentioned a while ago as being an option (so I'm guessing from this that they're using the tactic of 'going in with all guns blazing'). The less agressive option was using only one of two possible treatments - carboplatin <u>or</u> paclitaxel. The more agressive option is to use both at once - which is what they're going to do, starting next week.<br /><br />She'll have three sessions of chemo, each three weeks apart. Shortly after the third, she'll have a CT scan to see if the cancer has shrunk and if they can go on to perform an op to remove as much of the cancer as they can. It'll be a significant op, similar in magnitude to the one in November when they removed her ovaries, and apparently she's not looking forward to it - but mam being typically mam, she knows it's necessary and that's all there is to it.<br /><br />So with two chemicals being pumped into her every three weeks, she's going to feel really dreadful for most of the next three months, followed by a big op. We've just got to hope against hope that it's all worth it.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/about-cancer/treatment/cancer-drugs/carboplatin">http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/about-cancer/treatment/cancer-drugs/carboplatin</a><br /><a href="http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/about-cancer/treatment/cancer-drugs/paclitaxel">http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/about-cancer/treatment/cancer-drugs/paclitaxel</a>Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-53817724250923591152010-01-04T09:48:00.000-08:002010-01-04T09:54:47.925-08:00Moving on...graduallyMam finally got to her chemo registration appointment at the Queen Elizabeth hospital today. My brother went all the way up there just to take her to that - he wasn't able to get up at Christmas/New Year as he'd already agreed to spend that time with his inlaws in Norfolk, so to go all the way up north was a nice touch. He was mam's first child so I suppose there'll always be a sort of 'extra closeness' there, and I know mam said she gets a lot of comfort from it when he's around.<br /><br />First of all this morning they pumped some sort of chemical into her kidneys, and she had to have a scan every hour for about five hours, to see how the stuff was going through her. She was happy enough to toddle around the hospital on her own, bless - which in itself is good to know, because I know there have been days when it's all she could do to walk upstairs or from room to room.<br /><br />Then, this afternoon, the chemo registration. The outcome is that she has two appointments next week - one on the afternoon of Tuesday 12 Jan, which is just a quick one to give her some test results, and then the actual chemo on Wednesday 13 Jan which will take most of the day.<br /><br />So at last...it feels like things are finally moving in a positive way.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-3203455332003029712010-01-02T05:08:00.000-08:002010-11-14T03:58:09.610-08:00Happy New Year?<a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3246/3148415686_be77fcb3ef.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 179px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 196px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3246/3148415686_be77fcb3ef.jpg" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-size:78%;">(Pic, left - mam on Christmas day 2008 - four months before the first sign that anything was wrong)</span></div><div></div><div>New year's eve makes me wierd at the best of times....to some extent it's always felt like "enforced jollity" - you stay up late, drink and lark around because it seems to be 'the done thing'. Jools Holland doesn't even do his NYE programme live, it's done a couple of weeks in advance.<br /><em></em><br />This time around<em> </em>I decided well in advance that this NYE would be different. In all likelihood it's going to be a pretty horrible year: mam has advanced ovarian cancer and has already had a series of ops just to find out what's wrong and 'stabilise' her overall condition, which have left her looking nigh-on skeletal, pale and incredibly fragile. This year she'll hopefully (if she's well enough) begin a course of fairly severe chemotherapy which we know will leave her feeling even more rough than she currently does. Me, my older sister and brother are stuck 200 miles away, have done and will do what we can given our leave allowances and the logistics of financing 400 mile round trips.<br /><br />I guess there must be a decent chance that the chemo won't achieve much, given how far the cancer has spread already (from ovaries to bowel, stomach and bladder). And even if its success is limited, it might take so much out of mam that she decides not to persevere (I know there's already been one night in hospital recently when she felt so ill she thought she was 'slipping away'...turns out she was just dropping off into a deep sleep. What if the cancer spreads even further? What if she's not even well enough to start chemo in the first place? So there must also be a decent chance that 2010 will be the year we'll lose mam - and have to work out how we move forward, with an 82 year old dad who just wouldn't be able to cope with running a house, but is way too proud to move to a care home or even just have a home help.<br /><br />All things taken into account, I just couldn't see why I should be looking forward to 2010 because there's a good chance it WON'T be a 'happy new year'.<br /><br />So I spent NYE baking, and avoiding all the TV/radio coverage of impending celebrations, watched 'normal' tv then went to bed to read, turning the lights out at 11.20. Must've been just nodding off when fireworks were let off for midnight but they didn't last long and I nodded off again.<br /><br />Woke up the following morning......and I don't feel like I missed out on <em>anything</em>.<br /><br />Phoned mam in the evening of January 1st and she sounds really perky, just like "normal mam". My brother is travelling up on Sunday and taking her to her kidney ultrasound tests and another attempt at chemo reg on Mon.</div>Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-30724474907512916132009-12-30T09:36:00.000-08:002010-01-02T12:51:57.288-08:00One step forward, two steps back<div>Since we had that week up north looking after mam and dad in early December, we thought it was going to be a smooth run-in to Christmas, chemotherapy notwithstanding. How wrong can you be?<br /><br />Friday 18 December got a call from my sis who's up north for the festive period, saying mam's back in the Royal. She'd had a routine blood sample taken a few days earlier, and the doc wasn't happy with the results - she was worried that it meant mam's kidneys weren't working 100%. So they took her in on the Friday afternoon (ironically mam had woken up that day saying how well she felt) and the plan was to run tests on her over the weekend (whether or not they did, I don't know...hospitals don't seem to do much over a weekend and it's not long since they kept mam nil by mouth for a whole weekend for no apparent reason). By Tuesday 22nd we heard that one of her kidneys wasn't working well, as suspected, so she needed an operation. Bugger...it was starting to look like she wouldn't be home for Christmas.<br /><br />Wednesday 23rd and we were driving up north ourselves for Christmas - sis phoned en route to say this "operation" was actually more of a "procedure" - done by a radiologist under local anaesthetic, it's just to insert a tube through the back, into the kidney, then fluids drain externally into a little bag. She was having the procedure right then, and all being well would be home Christmas Eve.<br /><br />So Christmas Eve arrived and the hospital said yes, mam can go home - but it's classed as "weekend leave" and she needs to go back on Mon 28th. Just the movement of the car made her feel queasy on the short journey home but we made it, but it'd tired mam out and she spent the rest of the day in bed. We checked her regularly, woke her at 6pm but she just kept dozing off on the sofa, so by about 8pm she was back in bed. The hospital, in their wisdom, decided to leave her catheter attached so that was a faff on, especially when it leaked because we'd done exactly what I thought the hospital had said to do...<br /><br />Christmas Day was subdued - mainly because mam was still v fragile and tired. Me and sis cooked Christmas dinner, mam only managed literally a couple of mouthfuls. She's got a new top on that Karen bought her, but she looks SO ill and frail....such a change from Christmas Day last year. Was the cancer there then, lurking? Who knows.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe3yjsjH8kbfexC2Qqjn1h8ArXGOXjwyO15uhdr_lH9_NrcXxYaAYISRcb9JF6ObMmT3NUGhj0pcCheqtLtWQTCddMcDBXNk5aG0KrplMFVeZiQQaxIDqX4_ltU0zkM80dUwp18fo1iWeO/s1600-h/DSCN3021.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 211px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 146px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422247740540329842" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe3yjsjH8kbfexC2Qqjn1h8ArXGOXjwyO15uhdr_lH9_NrcXxYaAYISRcb9JF6ObMmT3NUGhj0pcCheqtLtWQTCddMcDBXNk5aG0KrplMFVeZiQQaxIDqX4_ltU0zkM80dUwp18fo1iWeO/s320/DSCN3021.JPG" /></a>By Boxing Day we could see slight improvements, mam had a little more energy, and again on Sunday 27th when we saw her for a few hours before travelling back south. She'd even got herself up without help, made her own breakfast and had a shower - on her own! And since then, having kept in touch with sis, we know that mam's appetite and energy is continuing to come back. She reported back on hospital on Mon 28th as planned and they discharged her same day, more than happy with her progress.<br /><br />Next step is another attempt at both kidney ultrasounds and chemo registration on 4th Jan, when hopefully my brother will be up there to support her.</div>Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-91730394981418696052009-12-09T15:11:00.000-08:002009-12-09T15:27:04.229-08:00Home and dryRubbish night's sleep last night, mam on my mind all night.....hubby had a rubbish night too, tossing and turning - and when he surfaced this morning dad said HE'D also had a rubbish night!<br /><br />Gave up at 9am and got stuck into a housework frenzy - you name it, if it wasn't fixed down (and sometimes if it was) it got cleaned or put into the washing machine. Just wanted everything to be hunky dory for mam coming home, whenever it happened.<br /><br />Mam gets this 'thing' every year about having the carpets cleaned before Christmas. Thought it'd be a nice surprise to get it sorted for her, so we went in search of a carpet cleaning machine. B&Q had one you could hire on presentation of the right ID docs....which being away from home we didn't have, and they wouldn't compromise. Had already researched HSS Hire across the river, so went there and 5 minutes and no fuss later, emerged with a carpet cleaning gizmo. Went to get a bit of lunch, Malc bought a new curtain rail for mam's room, popped to Morrisons for yet MORE shopping for the folks, and back to no 10.<br /><br />Got back and dad was in a panic: the hospital had phoned but he didnt understand why they'd phoned (he's (a) very hard of hearing and (b) very easily confused). So I phoned them - they said mam had had the much awaited scan 30 mins ago and they were waiting for a quack to say if she could go home.<br /><br />5pm my mobile rang....and it was mam - basically saying 'come and get me'. Whizzed through rush hour traffic, popped her in a wheelchair pushed by a lovely young nurse. She was desperate for fresh air after nearly two weeks in a stifling, stuffy ward and enjoyed having the window open. The drive down Sheriff Hill away from the office gives a really panoramic view north over Newcastle and surrounding areas, and as it was dark all you could see for miles and miles were twinkly streetlights - I knew mam would love that, and she did :)<br /><br />Got her home and she had a few tears...dad hugged her and she just said how happy she was to be home. A cup of her favourite Earl Grey and a ginger biscuit didn't touch the sides and I left her with dad while I went to phone family and say she was back with us. Literally within minutes she looked a million per cent better.<br /><br />Younger sister phoned but she'd already nodded off for a few minutes kip. She woke later and even though she'd said the tea and biscuit would be her lot for the night, she'd stolen half of dad's teacake and was washing it down with a coffee!!<br /><br />Got to 10pm in a flash and she'd long since decided 10pm was bedtime. Helped her upstairs and to get undressed - bless she showed me her stitches right down her tum....they've made a very neat job of it, looks like they've used a ruler then stapled her up afterwards. Dad turned in at the same time then me and hubs got on with the much anticipated (!) cleaning the kitchen carpet.<br /><br />Tomorrow: taking it gently and the wait begins until her chemo registration next Tuesday. Got to drop a letter from the consultant in to her docs, otherwise just enjoying putting Christmas decs up and being with her and dad - enjoying it while we're here, as we're back off down south on Saturday.<br /><br />Glad she's home :)Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-59484200897311794012009-12-08T12:30:00.000-08:002009-12-08T13:03:16.539-08:00Finally moving forwardWent to see mam today and the good news is they're finally talking about discharging her - yay! Initially she'd been hoping to be out last Friday or Saturday (4/5 Dec) but they were concerned about a possible blockage in her intestines. Poor mam went nil by mouth all weekend with a view to her having a scan, then didn't have one. We saw her on Monday (7 Dec) and they'd let her start to eat and drink again and boy was she enjoying it!! She had a cup of tea while we were there - her 5th of the day and it was only 2pm...!<br /><br />Today - Tuesday 8th - we went to see her again to take a supply of fresh 'smalls' and nightgowns, and it looks like things are finally moving forward: firstly lets say things have 'happened' with her bowels (!) so they're now thinking about discharging her, probably Wednesday 9th. Secondly they've given her a printout with info about the chemo regime they'll use to treat her - paclitaxel and carboplatin. So whilst we've still got to remember that yes, she has cancer and it's started to spread, they now know what they want to do about it.<br /><br />It's supposed to be her chemo registration session today, which has been put back to Tues 15th and they're talking about her first dose of chemo before Christmas. Tues 15th is BAD news though - they suggest a family member goes with you to help remember all the info they'll fire at you; but I can't stay up here that long, my brother is already booked work-wise so can't swing a few days 'on location' and my older sister doesn't get up here til the following day. So tomorrow, with mam's permission, we'll ask them to put that session back at least a day or two.<br /><br />But it finally feels like we can begin to move forward and deal with the cancer now.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-4484870882615894892009-12-06T12:06:00.000-08:002009-12-06T12:18:22.563-08:00Back homeHubs and I are back in the north east for a few days. This was based on the fact that after not having had the hysterectomy, mam was initially supposed to be discharged on Friday 4th Dec so we travelled up the night before. But as it turned out she wasn't well enough, so we went to visit her that evening; she seemed in good spirits and had plenty of colour in her cheeks and chatty enough - to all intents and purposes, she seemed like normal mam! Only problem is the sickness has started again, she was ill after breakfast on Friday morning. So from Friday morning she was 'nil by mouth' - not even so much as a sip of water - with a view to doing a scan of her stomach/intestines on Saturday morning to see what's going on (in addition to what they already know of the cancer in that area). <br /><br />Saturday 5th: my auntie visited mum in the afternoon and phoned to say that she hasn't had the scan yet, and is still nil by mouth - otherwise okay. She can't go home until she's had a bowel movement though.<br /><br />Sunday 6th: younger sister is due to visit mam this afternoon so called in to pick up some batteries I bought to keep mam's CD walkman going. Sis had phoned the hospital this morning and they said mam *might* be well enough to go home on Monday (which cheered me up a lot but why wasn't I prepared for the kick in the teeth that's followed every single bit of good news ever since mam was first ill?) Later, sis phoned to say mam had been sick again - despite being nil by mouth since Friday morning and she still hasn't had a bowel movement, so it's looking unlikely she'll be home on Monday after all :(<br /><br />In the meantime I'm quite enjoying looking after dad and keeping him happy. We went to get some shopping in for him this morning as the fridge was looking bare, put a turkey joint in to roast then cracked on with some cleaning. Hubs and I had our Sunday lunch and dad had his a couple of hours later, but he said he enjoyed it. He says he feels a lot more relaxed having us around the house and here overnight, so he's sleeping better - if nothing else, THAT is good news!Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-86558225294491156452009-12-03T10:41:00.001-08:002009-12-03T10:46:41.947-08:00Eejit.So I'm just about to leave work for a week to go and look after mam - be there to bring her home from hospital, and go to her first chemo clinic... And bossman comes out with the pearl of wisdom that it might be the case in the future that if I ask for leave and work is really busy, that they have to say no. They'll try and avoid it wherever possible and he knows I won't take the p*** with leave etc, but he doesn't want me to take it the wrong way if I'm feeling emotional and he says no to a leave request. <br /><br />Complete bastard (scuse language). Hearing that was the last thing I needed today. Sorry I'm not sitting at my desk permanently snivelling....apologies if it *looked* like I'm 'back to normal'. It's called getting on with things as best you can - it doesn't mean I'm not worried about mam any more.<br /><br />I actually think he's just done it to flex the managerial muscles and let me know who's boss, because he's like that. He'll say it purely because he can.<br /><br /><a href="mailto:Tw@t">Tw@t</a>.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-45631434607453904112009-12-02T13:28:00.000-08:002009-12-02T13:46:38.039-08:00First next stepsI knew today at work was going to be hard, because my two female colleagues ask regularly if I've had any more news, and I knew I'd have to tell them. And I'd have to tell my boss what was going on, and ask for Friday off work, to go to hubby's gran's funeral, and take mum home from hospital.<br /><br />Got to work and sure enough I was asked if there was any more news. Started explaining, and crumbled. But that got it out of my system, and I managed to explain it to my boss, who gave me Friday off with only a second or so's hesitation. It's been a strange day - early on felt really distracted, but as the day went on felt more 'with it' and the banter within the team really helped.<br /><br />My aunt phoned tonight; she'd seen mam, who'd explained what the latest was. Mam had her epidural removed today but she's in a bit of pain from the op, so she's now on morphine but the nurses are keen to get her up and around. She now thinks it's more likely to be Saturday before she's out. Apparently the cancer is also in her bladder, as well as stomach and colon. Does that mean it's agressive - or it's just been undetected and spreading for a while? But she'd asked her consultant how long she can expect to live - and the consultant reckons another couple of years, possibly longer if the chemo works well. Brave question to ask.<br /><br />But that prognosis of the possibility of another couple of years at least gives us hope - temporarily. I'd been mulling over the possibility of losing her within a few months - she's been so tired and ill that it makes me wonder if the cancer has spread even further than we already know. I guess we'll find out on Tuesday at her chemo registration session when they'll have her blood test results.<br /><br />At the same time I've decided that I can't really face hubby's gran's funeral. Feel emotionally wrung out, and don't know if I can cope with a funeral - especially not one where so many family fueds are simmering. I'll go to the wake with hubby afterwards but I don't know if I can face the full thing. Broached the subject with hubs and bless, he said he understands and was surprised I said I'll go at all.<br /><br />So the next stage...get up north and get through the weekend.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-13682166454355771362009-12-02T13:17:00.000-08:002009-12-02T13:28:26.338-08:00Bugger.Phoned the hospital tonight to see if they could tell us anything. When the ward sister said that the consultant wanted to speak to us all together on Friday, I guessed it wasn't good news. I explained that only one of us lived up north and the rest of us 200 miles away, ward sister said she'd pass the phone to mam for her to speak to me.<br /><br />Mam sounded so matter-of-fact: she hadn't had the planned hysterectomy, they'd only removed one ovary with the cancerous cyst. They discovered that it isn't just a tiny bit of mam's colon that has cancer - the cancer "runs right through it like a necklace", plus there's "quite a bit" in her stomach too. Mam said she was "disappointed" with the news.......understatement of the century. So it's going to be one hell of a blast of chemo apparently. Mam now thinks she'll be well enough to come home at the weekend rather than next Mon or Tues. She wants me to tell my brother and older sister the news, but not dad or my younger sister - she wants to tell them herself.<br /><br />Didn't feel that 'hit by a lorry' feeling from a few weeks ago, I just felt numb - shocked. Had a few tears, went to explain it to our boy and got tearful again but he was very grown up and kept hugging me.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-47436191005045746482009-11-30T13:29:00.000-08:002009-11-30T13:54:17.972-08:00Running up to the hurdleSo then today it's here - the first really major hurdle for mam (and the rest of us, by proxy) to get past: her hysterectomy operation.<br /><br />Spoke to her on Saturday evening and she sounded more tired than ever - I think for all of us, it'll be a relief to get past this 'hurdle' of her op so we all know what's needed to move forward.<br /><br />She went to hospital on Sunday morning - the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Gateshead. My bro and his wife took her there - I think he'll be a very calming influence; being ex Army and having done time in Northern Ireland and with the UN, he's very 'no nonsense' and thinks before he speaks. I know she takes a lot of comfort from him being around, and that in turn makes me feel better for her. <br /><br />She arrived at 10.40 on Sunday and was waiting for a couple of hours before she was admitted, apparently. All we knew was that the op will be sometime in the afternoon of Monday 30th November.<br /><br />So Monday arrives. Work is frantic anyway, lots to do and it helps keep my mind occupied. Monday afternoon and my mind starts wandering. Still busy but still wondering how it's going. I keep thinking about my mate Paul's words - try not to worry, there's nothing you can do now.<br /><br />Phoned the hospital early evening - 6.30pm ish - and they said she's only just arrived in the High Dependency Unit, if I phone back in 15 minutes or so then they'll be able to tell us more. I texted my brother and sister to tell them that snippet, and told that my brother will ring the hospital for more news. Feel a bit helpless, waiting for someone else to update me.<br /><br />Eventually my sister in law calls - brother spoke to the hospital, mam's been settled into the high dependency unit and the ward sister says from mam's notes, there's "nothing to worry about". My sister works at Guys Hospital and says from her experience, that really DOES mean there's nothing to worry about...probably means the op went as expected, the surgeon found what he expected to. She reckons if they'd said "you'll have to wait to speak to the consultant", THEN there'd be grounds to be concerned.<br /><br />But at least twice now, we've had our hopes raised, only to be kicked in the stomach later with bad news. So while I'm moderately cheered, I'll reserve judgement til I know more.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-73291197538470261012009-11-13T14:07:00.000-08:002009-11-13T14:14:42.797-08:00What if...Just watching a prog on TV involving a Christmas song. Normally I <u>love</u> Christmas and then some. Happy memories from being a kid, and even now Christmas Eve is the one night of the year that I don't sleep well, as I can't wait to get up and get into it all - giving pressies out, drinking proper eggnog, Christmas lunch, her maj on telly, falling asleep after Christmas tea...<br /><br />And for some reason, watching this programme, it suddenly hit me - what if - just IF - this is mam's last Christmas? I know it may well be FAR from her last...she has as much chance as anyone to beat this and live to see lots more Christmas mornings. But there's that tiny little pessimistic side of me that says what if after the hysterectomy they tell us it's spread? What if it's inoperable? Okay she's not ancient but she's 73, what if her age means she's just not fit enough to fight it? What if this IS her last Christmas?<br /><br />For the first time ever a litte bit of me is dreading Christmas because I know that tiny pessimistic side of me will occasionally look at mam on Christmas eve and Christmas day and think , what if this is the last time?Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-5545325144608834072009-11-11T13:36:00.001-08:002009-11-11T14:00:01.628-08:00Preparations.Been back in touch with my older brother - well my only brother, never mind 'older'! He went up to see mam for a couple of days last week and took her for her first cancer clinic appointment, and it sounded afterwards like she took a huge amount of comfort from having him there. <br /><br />He only lives an hour or so away from me, but we just don't seem to be in touch very often. It's not that we're "not talking" or anything, we just 'exist in different worlds'. He doesn't really go up to see mam and dad very often in general, but to his eternal credit he's already been up twice, since mam's diagnosis.<br /><br />He's going this weekend with his wife, my sister-in-law. She had a hysterectomy during the summer, so they're going to help mam understand what she's going to go through when she has her op in a fortnight, and what it'll be like afterwards. It made me think that as me and hubs will be looking after mam for her first week out of hospital, maybe WE need to understand what it'll be like too - so me and sister in law have set a date for the four of us to meet up before mam's op, have a gigantic catch-up session and chew the fat.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-53439922522853535552009-11-05T10:13:00.000-08:002009-11-05T10:32:29.329-08:00Making progress?Well mam had her much anticipated visit with the oncologist at the QE hospital in Gateshead this week. We thought that blood tests last time around would reveal this time if the cancer had spread, so I was quietly dreading Tuesday as I guess mam and the rest of the family were too.<br /><br />As ever, work kept me VERY busy and at 4pm came an email from my older sister, who'd had a phone call from our brother - who'd gone with mam to her appointment.<br /><br />Basically they hadn't done the tests we thought to see if there's been any spread. There's a slight suspicion that it may have spread to her colon - but from what I've read of ovarian cancer, it's not unusual for that to happen. She'll have her hysterectomy on Mon 30 November and stay in for a full week. When they do the hysterectomy they'll also see what cancer 'hotspots' if any they can see and remove what they can. If it HAS spread to the colon they'll remove the affected section if they can, she might need a colostomy bag temporarily until they can repair the 'break', but apparently that's the absolute worst case scenario...it might not even come to that, fingers crossed.<br /><br />Bro said mam coped well with it but is more bothered by the thought of a colostomy bag than the thought of the cancer, apparently!<br /><br />So in a way I was relieved to hear all that - my approach is to expect the worst and anything else is a bonus, so I'd kind of braced myself for much, much worse. I think personally I'd rather take that approach than hope for the best then have to deal with bad news - I've had enough kicks in the stomach with this so far, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and that's mine.<br /><br />So now we know the date of the op, we can start planning ahead. As it's not for almost a month, as a family I guess we can have a few weeks of relative 'normality' and we should probably make the most of that, because who knows what 30th November and the weeks and months after it will bring. Hubs and I have long been booked into a hotel in Chester for the weekend immediately before the op, which obviously we'd have been prepared to take a loss on, if we were needed up north.<br /><br />Next target? Work out with my siblings how we dovetail our post-op visits up north...Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-56679064476709504712009-11-01T07:55:00.000-08:002009-11-01T08:07:10.778-08:00Technology is wonderful......and horrible all at the same time.<br /><br />Have just been reading up on Cancer Research's website about ovarian cancer symptoms, outlook, treatment etc. Then there was a treatment on advanced ovarian cancer. As there's apparently a doubt in mam's consultant's mind about the cancer possibly having spread (which we'll have confirmed either way on Tuesday) I thought it would be informative to read up on it.<br /><br />And it covered an area which seems almost identical to what's happened to mam. Apparently if the cancer has spread, it can 'squeeze' the uretha which can cause a back-up of fluid to the kidneys, and that in turn can be treated by inserting 'stents' to widen the uretha and relieve the pressure. But in mams case, it is the cyst that's been doing the squeezing...or cancer? Either way to read all that about advanced cancer and connect it so closely to what mam's gone through is pretty awful stuff. That 'hit by a lorry' feeling is back after a couple of weeks away.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-46519281874091916532009-10-27T12:54:00.000-07:002009-10-27T13:30:20.426-07:00More waiting, more worryingPhoned mam on Sunday evening to see how she was - bless her she answered but explained that she was in the middle of being sick, so I said I'd call her later. Called an hour or so afterwards and she still sounded rough, explaining that she'd barely eaten but felt very sick. I said she should phone the ward, as she'd been encouraged to do if she had any problems, so off she went.<br /><br />The following day I thought I'd try again - and the same thing happened, I called as she was being sick! But later on, before I could call her back, she beat me to it - and sounded more upbeat. She's not afraid to talk about her illness and we didn't avoid it - but that's my mam, incredibly pragmatic. Apparently when the consultant confirmed it was cancer and she'd need a hysterectomy, she said it didn't bother her as she wasn't exactly going to need her reproductive bits again... <br /><br />But yes, she sounded just like 'normal mam' and in a lot of ways I came off the phone feeling quite relieved - in some ways it was like the previous two weeks or so had never happened. But in other ways I'm more worried. Why's she getting all this nausea? Has the cancer maybe spread to/from her stomach or digestive organs? Apparently the nurse told her that as long as she keeps drinking it doesn't matter so much that she's not eating a lot. But she was really frail when she left hospital, it can't be good for her to lose more weight...Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-68831992123044014572009-10-24T07:06:00.000-07:002009-10-24T07:17:29.763-07:00Alone again, naturallySo that's it...after her near two weeks in hospital, me and hubs having gone up to visit for the last two weekends, and my older sis being up there for the last week, she's now on her way back down south, leaving mam and dad on their own again - for the first time since before she went into hospital. But this time with the knowledge of what's wrong with mam, which must be quite something to get your head around...it's been bad enough for us, their children - so I wonder how mam and dad are dealing with it. Mam especially - it's her that it's happening to. So now they're on their own again, without the distraction of anyone else around.<br /><br />When all's said and done they're a married couple like any other, and they'll need that time on their own now to talk about it, and each see how the other's coping with it. It must be frightening for mam but dad's now got the knowledge that his wife of 53 years is actually quite ill. He's 81 years old and I know it'll be scary for him too.Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-647949447930391726.post-84197174029987829502009-10-23T14:53:00.000-07:002009-10-23T15:28:18.445-07:00F1: it's all gone a bit madOne of my lifelong interests is Formula One. My brother is ten years older than me and in the 70's, he was in the army. When he came home on leave he'd watch the F1 on telly and me, the adoring little sister, would go and watch it with him. I vaguely remember the likes of James Hunt, Niki Lauda, Clay Regazzoni etc - even mega-names like Senna and Mansell were still to come.<br /><br />Went through a period in the early 80's when I went right off it, but when I met hubs in '85 it turned out he liked it too, and we had many happy hours where we'd eat Sunday lunch at one of our parents then fall asleep to the sound of the engines. We've been to grands prix and these days take our son - who did his work experience at an F1 team a few years ago!<br /><br />But on to today's events.<br /><br />1. Mad Max has been replaced at long last - but by the former head of Ferrari's F1 operations while Schumacher was at his peak...during all the cheating/bias allegations. So how's THAT supposed to dispell accusations of bias to the team in red?!<br /><br />2. Donington couldn't find £135m down the back of the sofa. Surprised? Not really. PLEASE give it back to Silverstone. Okay so the supporter facilities are a bit dated but it's getting better and the drivers love the circuit because it's so fast. Give it back and lets get on with things, and Simon Gillett can find a bridge to sleep under. Will we go next year? No. Well I said that this year and I spent three days up there.<br /><br />3. Jenson Button to McLaren?! Well I've heard dafter rumours. If recent rumours suggest that Hamilton doesn't want another 'top' driver at the team with him, the fact that he might be willing to drive alongside Button tells you all you need to know about what he thinks of the new champ's abilities.<br /><br />4. Me and hubs are off to visit Williams F1 next week...........................can't wait :)Bucks Black Cathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18052756890172539859noreply@blogger.com0