Friday, 23 October 2009

Telling people

Back at work. My colleagues know I was waiting for news last night so I know they'll be wondering what happened. Feel surprisingly calm telling people, then make an effort to just get on with the usual stuff. Work is manic at the moment which just for a change I'm glad of!!

But as the day goes on, it starts to play on my mind more and more. Almost had 'a moment' mid afternoon when I went to the kitchen, considered asking for a few minutes time out - but decided to just get on with it. Finished work early and went to the shops to wait for hubs finishing, had a latte and read the paper but finding it very difficult to concentrate.

Every day when I wake up, the first thing I think of is mam, and if I'm not 100% 'into' something else, my mind wanders back to thinking about her. I keep feeling like maybe I should have a good cry...then I think, well I'll just feel rubbish afterwards and nothing will have changed.

We've been up north for the last two weekends and admittedly I've missed our weekend routine. Despite the news, we don't think going back home again will achieve anything other than to focus on the awfulness of it even more, and my parents need to get back to some sort of normality until mam's hysterectomy and treatment.

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