Wednesday, 2 December 2009

First next steps

I knew today at work was going to be hard, because my two female colleagues ask regularly if I've had any more news, and I knew I'd have to tell them. And I'd have to tell my boss what was going on, and ask for Friday off work, to go to hubby's gran's funeral, and take mum home from hospital.

Got to work and sure enough I was asked if there was any more news. Started explaining, and crumbled. But that got it out of my system, and I managed to explain it to my boss, who gave me Friday off with only a second or so's hesitation. It's been a strange day - early on felt really distracted, but as the day went on felt more 'with it' and the banter within the team really helped.

My aunt phoned tonight; she'd seen mam, who'd explained what the latest was. Mam had her epidural removed today but she's in a bit of pain from the op, so she's now on morphine but the nurses are keen to get her up and around. She now thinks it's more likely to be Saturday before she's out. Apparently the cancer is also in her bladder, as well as stomach and colon. Does that mean it's agressive - or it's just been undetected and spreading for a while? But she'd asked her consultant how long she can expect to live - and the consultant reckons another couple of years, possibly longer if the chemo works well. Brave question to ask.

But that prognosis of the possibility of another couple of years at least gives us hope - temporarily. I'd been mulling over the possibility of losing her within a few months - she's been so tired and ill that it makes me wonder if the cancer has spread even further than we already know. I guess we'll find out on Tuesday at her chemo registration session when they'll have her blood test results.

At the same time I've decided that I can't really face hubby's gran's funeral. Feel emotionally wrung out, and don't know if I can cope with a funeral - especially not one where so many family fueds are simmering. I'll go to the wake with hubby afterwards but I don't know if I can face the full thing. Broached the subject with hubs and bless, he said he understands and was surprised I said I'll go at all.

So the next stage...get up north and get through the weekend.

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