Up and down

Spoke to mam on Saturday and she sounded.....absolutely fine. Just like 'the good old days' - before all this kicked off. Didn't sound tired, didn't sound ill - if you didn't know what was going on you'd never have guessed how ill she is. She said she's been feeling okay the last few days and it cheered me up to hear her so chirpy.

Today she went to the consultant for a routine pre-chemo visit - Wednesday she goes for her second course of chemo, but at least now she knows the 'routine' - a few days of feeling quite well (the effects of the steroids) then the sickness and exhaustion hits with a vengeance. So by the time that happens this time around, me and hubs will be up there for a few days, to look after her and dad, and take the weight off dad as a carer.

Talking of dad, I saw my older sister at the weekend - mam's district nurse had suggested that dad is basically being mam's carer, so they should apply for a proper carer's allowance - so one of the MacMillan nurses came round one evening specially to help them fill in the paperwork, which I thought was a lovely touch. I hope one of the MacMillan nurses will be around while I'm there at the weekend, it'd be nice to meet and talk to them.

Last night I watched "Mo", a drama-documentary about the life of MP Mo Mowlam from the time of her brain tumour diagnosis, to her death. Brilliant production, and Julie Walters was superb in the lead role - talk about method acting, she shaved her head because she wanted the hair loss to look more authentic than a skull cap! I was okay until literally the last 5 minutes when Mo was admitted to hospital for her final days, got a bit sniffelly and had to ask hubs to turn it off. Couldn't stop myself from thinking that one day in the relatively near future, that'll be my mam - be it at home, in a hospital or a hospice. I think the whole thing of knowing mam's second chemo is imminent, and talk of Macmillan nurses just got to me.

I know it's not going to be easy this weekend, I know she's going to have sickness and diarhhoea, I know I'm going to have to cope with seeing her at her lowest - but I want to see her.